The distant future: Foil-wrapped for freshness
BOG: You know how it's the year 3000 now and all sorts of fashions have come and gone over the millennia?
BOG: Why are all our clothes made of foil?
BOG: It occurs to me that cotton might be more comfortable.
GLOP: Nonsense. Foil is ... versatile and ... shiny.
BOG'S LEFT EYEBROW: (Rears up on BOG's forehead, hinting that BOG is perhaps not convinced.)
GLOP: It's very now.
BOG: I understand that. But it chafes.
GLOP: The economy demands it.
BOG: What, foil-wrapped testi—
GLOP: Foil in general. After the health campaigns of the early 21st century, nobody was drinking soft drink any more.
BOG: ... Rrrrrright ...
GLOP: And after the environmental awareness campaigns—
BOG: Oh! Right. Everyone was recycling cans.
GLOP: And with no soft drinks, there was nothing to make them into. So they just made foil.
BOG: I still don't see why I'm wearing it as pants.
BOG'S TROUSERS: (Soft crinkle.)
GLOP: Hey—and stylish asymmetrical shoulder pads!
BOG: Gaaah! They're constantly bumping against our inexplicably trapezoidal doorframes!
GLOP: Well, water scarcity was forcing governments to place heavy restrictions on water-intensive industries like cotton. Eventually cotton clothing became completely unaffordable. Long story short, they started making clothes out of foil and voilà—everyone in the world was clothed and had clean drinking water.
... And itchy privates.
BOG: I'd take the poo water.
GLOP: You don't mean that. Since we all started wearing foil hats, when's the last time you heard any weirdos claiming that aliens are reading their thoughts?
BOG: Exactly! Now you can't tell who the crazy ones are! They're walking among us, designing trapezoidal doorframes!
GLOP: It's better than that 'post-apocalyptic' look everyone was going for in the 25th century.
BOG: Yeah. Ugh. Arseless leather trousers are never OK.
GLOP: Parliament Question Time must have been horrible.
BOG: Oh, God. (Vomits a little in his mouth, then coughs.) I hope I'm not getting sick. If the government hadn't channelled so much of its funds into massively fuel-inefficient hovercar infrastructure, maybe our public healthcare system wouldn't be crumbling so badly.
GLOP: Good thing we all undergo Renewal when we turn 30.
BOG: At least they got that right.
Last five entries:
The distant future: Foil-wrapped for freshness - 2015-04-17
Delicious cheesy fajitas - 2015-03-11
In this week's news - 2013-06-12
Licence to Quill - 2013-02-20
Ant problems - 2013-02-16