Those little guys are everywhere. If a crumb of a crumb so much as touches the ground, they�re on it. Last week I was pouring a coffee and when I tipped the kettle over the cup, dead ants came out. They must have crawled in for a bit of an ant jacuzzi but it ended in a way that was presumably reported in the local ant press as an �ant holidaymaker tragedy�.

I don�t know how many ants got into the kettle but I filled and emptied it over and over and each time there were still ants when I poured it out. Eventually I poured a cup that had just a single ant torso in it and I took that as a win.

We keep our place pretty clean and tidy, but we�re in a leafy area in the suburbs so ants and cockroaches are something we�re used to dealing with. Once my mum had a wall full of bees.

Still, even by those standards, things were getting out of control so we decided to get an exterminator in. He was a lovely old gentleman who happened to be in the business of MASS KILLINGS and he knew his trade. I am confident that the poison he used was effective because now whenever we see cockroaches, it�s only because they have come out into the open to die really melodramatically.

The ants, on the other hand, are a fucking tough bunch.

I don�t know how they�re doing it, but the poison has had NO effect on them at all. If anything it seems to be making them stronger. I saw an oat making its way across my loungeroom floor the other day thanks to the amazing force of poison-fuelled antpower.

I�m documenting this because I think they will get me very soon. While the ants and my family have had an uneasy co-sharing arrangement for the past few weeks, my small child tipped over my coffee this afternoon, and while I haven�t seen the ants today, I know they�re still there.

And now they�re caffeinated.

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This entry was also posted at Dollar Sign Squiggle Hash.