So the day I got to read that

was a filthily pleasant surprise. Immediately my mind projected a grainy, black-and-white art film in my head.

An awkward silence.

Echoing words: "ssh ... this is our little secret."

Humiliation. A horse with no voice of its own and no opposable thumbs, having to wait in anguish for the stable-boy to come and brush off the stains.

A nude rider, his buttocks gleaming in the moonlight, slinking out of the isolated stable to wash his crop.

Twice.

The whole thing would of course be littered with protracted but meaningful stares, and people lighting cigarettes to suck in the smoky haze of regret through a cheap filter. Deep, man.

Last week I got to experience the following quote (and the typo, by the way, is not mine. I suspect an attempt by Collins Debden to impart a sense of value by throwing in additional apostrophes for free, as this isn't the first time it's happened):

I have a friend whom I email whenever the calendar quote warrants it, as he has the same one on his desk at work, so I set about my task forthwith.

It basically came to this:

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From: Pigeon, Marzipan
Sent: Wednesday, 4 November 2009 9:15 AM
To: Pesmo, Captain
Subject: How much do you think they pay proofreaders at Collins?

Also, it took three readings to fully comprehend Norman Lindsay's point. Perhaps the inability to comprehend a calendar quote bodes badly for me. Or perhaps the people selecting the quote really liked the way it sounded but didn't appreciate the importance of context.

One day I'd like to see a calendar quote that says something like:

"Are you writing this down? Well, stop it. No seriously, f*@# off, I don't want to be quoted � you'll just get it wrong anyway."

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From: Captain Pesmo
Sent: Wednesday, 4 November 2009 9:45 AM
To: Pigeon, Marzipan
Subject: RE: How much do you think they pay proofreaders at Collins?

"but [it is] emblem must first be human beauty"? WTF? If it's any consolation to you, I've just read it three times and still have NFI what's going on there.

I'd guess a number somewhere between fifty dollars and four billion dollars. That covers kind of a lot of numbers.

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From: Pigeon, Marzipan
Sent: Wednesday, 4 November 2009 9:15 AM
To: Captain Pesmo
Subject: How much do you think they pay proofreaders at Collins?

Well, my interpretation was that beauty as a concept can be portrayed as, for example, the beauty of trees, sky, nature; but when people think of beauty � when we really want to depict it in an unmistakeable way that could mean nothing but beauty � we draw naked ladies. You know ... with boobies.

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Yes, I really am quoting frivolous emails and calling it a diary entry.

In keeping with the theme, I'd like to quote Peter Serafinowicz, who is - and this may surprise some of you - virtually unknown in Australia (especially to those of us who only have basic free-to-air television) but who has become the highlight of my Twitterverse microcosmos. He does a Q&A virtually daily, allowing anyone to send in a short question, and he attempts to answer as many as he can in various, very entertaining, ways.

Q. where's the fun in biscuits?
A. right there, you just have to look harder... Biscuifunts

Q. What would a Wookiee look like if you shaved off all its hair?
A. Jeremy Clarkson

If you're the kind of person who uses Twitter, as I recently confessed that I now am, I highly recommend following him.

In other news
I think I would like the HTC Dream as my next phone. I wasn't looking specifically; I just happened to stumble across an ad and thought it would be really cool to have the Internet on my phone. You see, the tipping point has passed � I am now in the minority for not having an Internet phone, or at least, a decent plan that allows the Internet to be affordable through my current mobile. And we all know that my one passion in life is being cool and just like everybody else. I guess that's two passions. Albeit two kind of shitty passions.

Book reviews with Marzymind
The dust jacket prepares us with the words, "Travel around the World. Back in Time."

That's right: it's The Philatelic History of Diabetes!

Like stamps? Obsessed with diabetes? Then you�ll LOVE this book!

Good cause; weirdest ever approach. I suppose they just want to get this disease licked.

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Things that made me happy this week:

- My ten-year high school reunion, which for some reason I forgot to mention in my main entry.